You, Me and Us. Page 12

  “No, I just, I had a bad night then when I got home you weren’t here so…” I trailed off.

  “So, you just assumed I was with Daniel?”

  “No! Well yeah. A little bit yeah.”

  “God, I can’t cope with this I really can’t.” you stormed towards to bedroom. I began to follow you. “No don’t follow me, sleep in the spare bed.”

  “The spare bed?” I said.

  “Yeah I don’t want you near me.”

  “But that means, like you know.”

  “What?”

  “Like we’re breaking up.”

  “No, it means I don’t want you near me right now.”

  “So, we’re still together?”

  “Yes. But I don’t know how long I can do this Jimmy, really I don’t.”

  You sounded sad rather than angry, and that scared me. I tried to say something but no sound came out when I opened my mouth. You took this to mean it was the end of the conversation and walked into the bedroom closing the door shut behind you.

  I slumped back onto the couch and buried my head in my hands. What was going on? What had I just done? I knew I was going to fuck this relationship up. My stupid brain was going to ruin everything. The tears began to form behind my eyes again so I lay on my back to try and let gravity fight them off. I was an idiot. I really was ruining everything we had with this stupid jealously. I searched my insides to try and find a trace of the demon but there was nothing there now, just hot shame and guilt.

  I grabbed my phone from the table and began to type out a message to you. It was impossible to put my feelings into words though. I paused half way through the message and the sound of an email arriving in my inbox gave me a temporary distraction. I tapped the notification and opened up the unread message.

  Order confirmation 829-6-999. Congratulations you are now the proud owner of the one and only ‘Wonder-Vac’! Please find attached your order details…

  For fucks sake.

  Chapter Nine – The Discovery

  The ‘wonder-vac’ was delivered in three-to-five working days as promised. I signed for it, dragged it into the living room and dropped it to the floor. It was massive. Far too big to be anywhere near convenient. And it was heavy. I tried to think back to the model who somehow slid it around the floor effortlessly on TV, she must have had some kind of super-powers. I thought for half a second about wrapping it up and giving it to you as a present. I chose not to in the end though because 1. giving your girlfriend a vacuum as a gift was dicey at the best of times never mind after what I’d done, and 2. the amount of wrapping paper I’d need to buy to prepare it would probably end up costing more than the vacuum itself.

  Whilst I waited those three-to-five working days to receive my vacuum I was resigned to sleeping in the spare room. You weren’t speaking to me really, just grunts and groans mostly. I was making myself busy at home by tidying up and making sure you had a fully prepared meal every time you came in. But it wasn’t enough to break the ice wall down which had been built around you. I was treading on eggshells every moment we were together and trying my upmost not to bring about your wrath again.

  I really couldn’t get my head around why I’d behaved the way I had. It was like the demon inside me took full control of my entire being. I couldn’t think logically in that moment at all. There’ve been times in the past when I’ve been faced with dramatic situations and I’ve always been able to remain calm and find a way out of them. One time for example I went to overtake some Sunday drivers on a country lane, it looked safe, and as I pulled out a huge lorry appeared out of nowhere directly in front of me. As it came into my vision it was like the moment froze and I had all the time in the world to slow down and pull back in behind the old couple driving the Mini in front of me. I stayed cool and calm and averted disaster. But that night with the ‘wonder-vac’ I lost all sense of that, and instead of pulling back in my lane, I slammed my foot down and crashed head first into the lorry. And worst of all, looking back, it didn’t even seem like I was driving the car.

  The only tiny silver lining to this black cloud was that I’d finally realised you weren’t cheating on me. And thanks to that I was back to performing somewhere near my best both at work and with the band. When a week had passed since the night of the ‘wonder-vac’ and I was due back in work I felt I owed Joe an explanation. So, I made sure that I arrived at Ronnie’s a good hour early.

  “So, you’re doing better?” Joe said as he lugged a crate from the back room to the bar.

  “Yeah all better now thanks.” I said. “It was just a bad night.”

  “You ready to talk about it?”

  “It’s nothing really, I made the stupid mistake of thinking she was cheating on me.”

  “Ah, why’d you think that?”

  “Well her ex has been sniffing around. He keeps showing up everywhere and messaging her. Then when I got home that night, she wasn’t in.”

  “Wasn’t in? What at one o’clock in the morning?”

  “Yeah, she’d gone out with her friend, like a last-minute thing.”

  “Hmm.” Came the reply from Joe.

  I looked at him as he came up from below the bar.

  “What?”

  “It’s just weird she didn’t say anything.”

  “Yeah that’s what I thought, but then she explained she’d been out with her friend and that.”

  “Still though, you live together, you think she’d let you know.”

  “Yeah well, I ended up accusing her of being with him and I bought a vac. I dunno, it was a weird night.”

  “Sounds it.”

  We shared a moment across the bar. I really wanted to thank him for being so understanding that night and letting me go home, but I just couldn’t find the words so I instead gave him a curt nod and a smile.

  “Well, if you’re done telling me your woes, do you wanna give me a hand before we open?’

  “With what? You’ve stocked up.”

  “I’m clearing that flat out upstairs, it’s full of crap and the brewery want to start renting it out.”

  “I didn’t even know there was a flat upstairs.”

  “It’s more of studio. And before you ask, no you can’t rehearse there.”

  “You read my mind. For God’s sake I only came in for a chat now I’m helping you lug boxes around?”

  “It’s give and take mate, you give me grief and I take advantage of you.”

  “The manager’s motto?”

  Joe laughed and we headed upstairs to start the de-cluttering.

  Telling Joe about what had happened with us was fairly easy, the problem however was telling Ryan and Tom. I don’t know if it was an ego issue but for some reason I didn’t want them to know that I’d been so out-of-sorts the last few weeks because of some imaginary issue I’d convinced myself was true. It seemed ridiculous looking back and I didn’t want my friends thinking that about me too.

  “Much better, much better Jim.” Said Tom as we wrapped up a session.

  “Cheers, yeah I’m feeling better.”

  “What was up with you again?” asked Ryan.

  “Just a sore throat.” I said. “Anyway, we all ready for next week?”

  The Manchester New Music Competition was now just a short seven days away.

  “Yeah we just need to confirm the set-list.” Said Tom, as he looked down at a sheet of music in front of him.

  “Well, how long do we have?”

  “Fifteen minutes.”

  “So, three or four songs? Bit of chat? Or no chat?” I said.

  “I’d say no chat.” Said Ryan. “It’s the New Music contest, not the New Chat contest.”

  “Fair enough. So, what’re we thinking?”

  “Well, er, Bang Bang, Pokémon Theme, Candy, and finish with Never Forget?” said Tom.

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Ryan nodded his approval also and left the room to put his guitar away. I was helping Tom with the amp.

  “So, yeah,
things with me and Erin aren’t the best at the minute.” I said as we began to lug it across the room.

  “Yeah? Shit this is heavy. How come?”

  “Well you know that Daniel, who came to the gig at Uni?”

  “Oh yeah, that wanker.”

  “That’s the one. Well he messed with my head, then she went out without telling me so I just assumed she was with him, we had a big row and now I’m the arsehole.”

  “Shit. What’re you gunna do?” Tom dropped the amp into the corner.

  “Dunno really. I’ve tried to apologise but I’m still in the spare room.” I laughed to show I wasn’t too cut up about it all.

  “Why did you think she was with Daniel?”

  “Just the way he is you know? He like forced me to be all crazy and jealous. It wasn’t anything she did really, I mean I’m not mad about the fact she speaks to him, I trust her.”

  “Sounds like it.”

  “No I do. I just don’t trust him, he’s a snake. And he brings this crazy side out of me. But after she gave me that ear bashing I’ve realised I was just being mental.”

  “Shouldn’t you tell her that?”

  “Wish I could, she’ll barely speak to me.”

  “Well text her, tell her you need to talk to her tonight and make sure she puts some time aside for it.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes, she’ll realise it’s important and at the very least you’ll be able to get this off your chest.”

  “I suppose.” I paused for a moment whilst I pulled my phone out of my pocket. “Just don’t tell Ryan, he doesn’t like Erin as it is and this will just supply him with more ammunition.”

  “Fine.”

  I looked down to my phone and started to type a message to you. Whilst I was thinking of the right way to phrase it Ryan came back it.

  “So, we gunna go get a pint and some food?” he asked.

  “Yeah just a sec.” I said.

  I typed out the message.

  Hi, look we need to talk tonight. I’ll be home later, about 9 I’d say. So, I’ll see you when you finish work.

  I kept it simple, tried to stick to the facts. I kept to a time and a place, just enough information to intrigue you so I could lure you in and open up about what was going on.

  “You ready?” said Ryan.

  “Born it mate.”

  The three of us left their flat and started to make the short walk to our local. Ryan and Tom were doing their usual; bickering over pointless things.

  “How can they all be female, that doesn’t make any sense.” Said Tom.

  “Tell me how it doesn’t make sense.” Said Ryan.

  “Because if they were all female, how would we get new cows?”

  “The males are bulls!”

  “Firstly, that’s a different animal-”

  “Secondly, you’re a fucking idiot.”

  I kept my head down as I walked behind the pair of them. I was still racked with guilt about you and us. I was trying to form the first sentence I would say to you, my opening argument if you will. I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn’t know exactly how to say it. I knew I couldn’t pin all the blame on Daniel, as much as I wanted to, so I had to find the right balance of explaining how he’d manipulated me and my feelings. But also without sounding crazy. It wasn’t going to be easy.

  “I said thanks to an ATM the other day.”

  Tom saying this snapped me out of my thoughts for a moment. I had to join in.

  “What?”

  They both turned around to face me.

  “I said thanks to one, a cash machine.”

  “Thanks for explaining.”

  Ryan laughed.

  “I think I’ll get pissed tonight.” He said.

  I jogged slightly to catch up to the two of them and walked in the middle of the group as we continued to march down the street.

  “Yeah how come?” I asked.

  “Just feel like it. I’m stressed about the gig, could do with a release.”

  “Eurgh stop talking about getting a release, you’re getting me going.” Said Tom.

  “Bet with it just being the two of you it makes for cosy nights now Ryan?” I said.

  “Yeah dead cosy, especially when I have to listen to him fucking that Polish bird from the off-license three nights a week.”

  “Ha! You didn’t tell you were banging her.” I said.

  “Didn’t I? Yeah mate she’s great, filthy she is.”

  “How so?” I asked.

  “She loves to dirty talk.” Tom elaborated.

  “Like what?”

  It was Ryan however who answered instead of Tom.

  “Oooo Tommy you the bad boy, you Tommy the Tank going choo-choo in my tunnel.” He said in a faux-Polish accent.

  “You’ve been fucking eavesdropping?” shouted Tom.

  “Eavesdropping? More like holding the pillow over my head to shut you out.”

  “Sorry. But honestly I can’t keep up anymore. She has this box of toys, when she takes the lid off it’s like the end of Braveheart.”

  I laughed. Ryan pushed Tom, who in turn pushed him back. They continued to play fight as we turned the corner to the pub entrance. Ryan bent Tom’s arm behind his back and frog marched him to the double doors as if he was about the read him his Miranda rights. They bounced back off the doors.

  “Ow!” they both jumped back.

  Ryan pointed at a sign attached to the front door.

  “Ah fuck, look it’s shut.”

  I looked closer at the sign to see what it said.

  Pub closed all week due to pest control problem.

  “Ah bollocks, I really wanted to eat there.” Said Tom.

  “Probably a good job we didn’t.” I said.

  The three of us span around and started to make the walk back towards the flat.

  “What now then?” said Ryan.

  “Let’s just go to the shop?” I suggested.

  “Can’t mate, Karol is working there tonight and I told her we were rehearsing until late.”

  “So?”

  “So, if she sees any of us go in the shop she’ll know we’re not, and she’ll want to come around.”

  “And?”

  “I’m knackered! Look at my back.”

  Tom pulled his t-shirt up to reveal what looked like the wounds an Egyptian slave would have from building a pyramid too slow.

  “Fucking hell, how’s she done that?”

  “Told you mate, filthy.”

  We continued to walk back to their place and ripped into Tom almost the entire way for his ridiculous love life. It felt great to be amongst my friends again and not to feel the constant worry I’d had hanging over me for the past few weeks. I was seeing the light again. I was smiling to myself when we arrived back at the front of their building. Before we went in we decided to stop for a smoke.

  “Why are you so happy?” said Ryan.

  “Just am, what’s the problem, can I not smile now?”

  “Yeah, only wondering.” He said. “We got any booze in Tom?”

  “Erm, I think so yeah, Karol brought some of that cheap absinthe round last week and we didn’t finish it all.”

  My stomach flipped.

  “I think I’ll just head home guys.” I said. “I really don’t fancy a night on absinthe.”

  “Fair enough, probably not good for your throat anyway.” Said Ryan. “But now I do have to spend all night trying to explain to Tom who every single character is in Game of Thrones, every single time they come on the screen.”

  “I just don’t know why there’s so many of them.” Said Tom.

  “Just get over it, we’re never going to get through it if I have to keep pausing it to explain.”

  “What episode you on?” I asked.

  “One.” Said Ryan.

  I laughed. We said a quick goodbye as I finished my cigarette off. I went on to my taxi app and entered my location. I looked up to the sky; it was sunny, life felt pretty good. Now just
to try and sort things out with you.