You, Me and Us. Read online

  You knew something was off as we drove towards the pub, but thankfully my nerves around meeting your mum seemed to explain my quietness. You squeezed my hand and looked at me to reassure me.

  We came to a slow stop in the car park of Manchester’s finest JD Wetherspoons. I hopped out of the car and waited for you as you walked around the front. Once you were level with me you held your hand out.

  “We can’t hold hands in front of your mum.” I protested. You rolled your eyes at me.

  “Don’t be ridiculous she’s seen me hold hands before.”

  “With who?”

  “My ex.”

  “Exactly, I don’t want to be compared to him, do I?”

  You smiled and made a quick half step towards me. You paused before kissing me square on the lips.

  “You’re nothing like him.”

  I smiled and felt slightly better. My positive mood however was quickly interrupted by the sound of a woman’s voice behind us.

  “Put him down!” followed by a laugh. “Get a room!”

  I span around to see the living embodiment of the woman from the picture on your fridge pulling up in a shockingly yellow car. Her window was down so she continued to holler at us.

  “I’m not putting up with that all night!” she laughed again.

  “Shut up Mum!” you shouted, laughing too. You turned to me, glowing in the way you always did when your mum arrived. “Come on, let’s go in.”

  At first sight I bet a lot of people mistake your mum for a hippy. Well maybe she was a hippy in her youth; she certainly has kept the fight going if so. Head to toe in colour she was, even her hair was multicoloured. She was wearing a long flowing cardigan so lavishly designed with pattern and colour I half-expected eleven of her brothers to burst in and sell her off as a slave. I’d managed to navigate the walk into the pub and finding a table with little concern. You briefly introduced your mum and me to each other as we walked through the doors. The words ‘Mrs. Poppet’ barely left my mouth before she shot me down demanding I call her Julie. We were sat together at the table, the two of you nattered on about the latest episode of some show I’d never heard of. I was lost in thought when the sound of my name brought me back to reality.

  “Jimmy, what do you do for work?” Julie said with a smile.

  “I work in a bar, it’s okay, late nights but the pays good and I can hide my alcohol problem.”

  Your mum laughed and you let out a ‘tut’.

  “You made that joke to me you know.” You said shaking your head.

  “Well your mum doesn’t know that.” I added, and nodded Julie’s way.

  “Maybe he’s trying to chat me up.” She said with a smirk at you.

  “Shut up Mum.” You said.

  “So I saw your band on Facebook Jimmy, you were really good!” she said. “Honestly, you looked a lot of fun.”

  “Thanks, yeah it’s a good laugh.” I replied.

  “You’ve got really good… what is it… “She searched for the term.

  “Looks?” I offered.

  She laughed again and you kicked me under the table.

  “No, erm… stage presence yeah! Really good stage presence.” She finished.

  “Thank you.” I paused for a minute. I was thinking back to the article I read online the day before. Compliments. Compliments were key. “Your car is very, er, bright isn’t it?”

  “It is yeah! I love it, Erin hates it though.” She added the last point in a whisper. You glared at us both.

  “Yes, I’m still here! If you’d like to stop eye-fucking each other for a moment.” You spouted, with a smile though letting us in on the joke.

  I was shocked, you just said ‘fucking’ in front of your mum. I spluttered trying to say something but luckily Julie beat me to it.

  “Oh, shut it you grouch.” She said. “What’s new with you anyway Erin?”

  You sighed before speaking, still keeping up the air of pretending to be annoyed.

  “Nothing much. Job’s still shit. Oh, there is something actually. Jasmine is moving out so I’m essentially homeless.”

  “Oh no why?”

  “Her mum’s ill. She has to go home.”

  “Well you can always come home, to your real home, you’ll never be homeless!” Julie said, sounding hurt you’d even suggest such a thing.

  “I’m not moving back to Coventry. No way.”

  “Well why would you be homeless?” she asked.

  “I can’t afford it alone, I don’t know anyone looking for a flat, and I don’t want to live with a stranger.” As you said each point you lifted a finger in the air.

  Your mum sat back for a moment and seemed to be lost in thought.

  “Well, why doesn’t Jimmy move in?” she said with a smile.

  And there it was. My idea had been put out into the ether, and this time it wasn’t even me who’d done it.

  It was late, like eleven-o-clock by the time we got back to yours. Julie had a few drinks so she came back in my car rather than drive all the way home. We’d got her settled in Jasmine’s room with a cup of tea and your laptop to watch, as she put it, ‘those funny YouTube videos I like’, and she was in there happy as a clam twirling her braids in one hand, cup of tea in other as we wished her good night and retreated to your bedroom. As the door shut, she gave a small shout;

  “Don’t have sex too loudly!”

  “Chance would be a fine thing!” I called back as the door shut.

  You shook your head at me and headed towards your bedroom.

  I got in to bed and tried to quell the sound of springs as we got comfortable, your mum’s final words were still playing on my mind. I pulled the covers over us both and pulled you tight for a kiss. A few moments, who knows maybe a lifetime, later you pulled away and grinned.

  “Sorry about my mum.” You said.

  “What do you mean? She’s great.” I enthused. “Honestly, I think she’s dead fun.”

  “I’m glad you think so. Some people think she’s you know, odd.”

  “Not me. Well maybe that’s because I’m a bit odd but still, she’s great.”

  “Apart from her crazy ideas. Like the yellow car and you moving in.”

  “Well I didn’t think it was that crazy.” I said with lots of hesitation.

  “It is, people take pictures of it when she’s in traffic.”

  “No, no not that.” I corrected you. “The other thing.”

  “What you want to move in?” you said, the shock was evident from your face.

  “Well I mean, you only have what six months left on your contract? And Ryan and Tom can definitely afford our place, if anything our landlord should pay us for living there not the other way around.” I said.

  “But it’s a bit quick, isn’t it?”

  “Hasn’t it all been a bit quick? It just feels right, I’m here most of the time anyway.” I said. “Plus, we could turn Jasmine’s room into a game room.”

  “Or you could rehearse here?” you suggested.

  “Wait you want me to move in?” I said.

  “Well it’s you who’d have to move, so it’s up to you, really isn’t it?”

  “Well it’s not. I can’t just move in with someone without them wanting me here.”

  You snuggled up to me and planted another kiss on my lips.

  “I do want you here, it would only be a few months then if it’s no good you can always go back to your old flat.”

  “And you can be homeless?” I said. You laughed and pressed yourself against me.

  “Exactly. Win-win.”

  It was a crazy idea. It really was. Why on earth would two people who’d known each other for all of six weeks decide to live together? Well mainly because we were both foolish and falling. Foolish for not thinking ahead about logistics and reality, and falling so deeply and quickly we’d forgotten that eventually we’d have to come up for air. Thinking about it now it seems like the most ridiculous idea ever, but genuinely in that moment I wanted nothing
more than to live with you. See you 24/7. It seemed perfect. I was falling so hard and fast in that moment that it would’ve been impossible for anything or anyone to stop me.

  “Ok let’s do it.” I said, sealing my, well our, fate.

  I knew that telling Ryan and Tom wasn’t going to be easy. As much as I’d brushed that off with you that night in bed, it was going to be a difficult conversation to broach. We’d lived together for years now and had really become a tight unit. We had it made. A third of a cheap rent each and no tidying up to do, just paper plates and plastic cups. The most non- eco-friendly household on the earth I’d imagine. We’d spend our evenings listening to tunes, drinking and playing FIFA into the early hours. And I was about to break that all up. I was about to end the dream.

  It was a Thursday evening when I decided to take the plunge. You were in work so I was in the flat with the guys all night. We were just getting dinner sorted when I plucked up the courage.

  “Honestly it’s embarrassing.” Said Tom as he hung up the phone.

  “What is?” said Ryan from the sofa; eyes transfixed on the screen as I forced Ronaldo to zip down the by-line past his full back. “Oh, it’s not fair, he’s too fucking quick.”

  “Mo, from the pizza place knows our order, like we’re regulars. He didn’t even let me finish, just cut me off and said ‘yeah and three portion of chips’”

  “Oh fuck off.” Ryan slammed the remote down as Benzema poked home my third goal of the game. “We do order in every night, to be honest it’s embarrassing he hasn’t known our order before, if anything it’s a knock on him.”

  I laughed and jumped off the couch flush with the feeling of victory. I approached our veranda windows and flung them open. I pulled a cigarette from my jeans and lit it up. I inhaled and prepared to drop the hammer.

  “Come on mate, I’ll give you a game.” Said Tom as he plonked himself down into my vacant position.

  “Ah fuck it, go on then.” Said Ryan, he picked his remote back up and inspected it to ensure he hadn’t broken his third handset of the year.

  They began the rigorous process of selecting teams as I blew my smoke out of the window. I looked out onto the estate we inhabited. Dirty, run down, and infested. I was really going to miss it I thought. As much as I was very much looking forward to waking up to the beauty of your flat every day, I knew deep down it would never replace the special place in my heart I had for this piece of shit I’d called home for two years. Or the two idiots currently arguing in it.

  “Oh, fuck off you’re not being Bayern Munich.” Ryan moaned.

  “Why not?” Tom said, bemused.

  “Because I’m being Stoke, it’s not fair.”

  “They play in similar colours though.” Tom said, his football knowledge was extremely limited.

  “A scorpion and an ant are similar colours, it doesn’t make them the same, does it?” Ryan said.

  “Ah well you can’t say that mate, one’s real and one isn’t.”

  I spat my smoke out in such a manner that it really should have formed letters reading ‘ha, ha, ha!’.

  “What?” I said as I coughed my lungs out.

  “Scorpion mate. Not real. Ants are. Not the same thing.” He said, as he flicked the analogue stick to a new team.

  “Honestly, that is the stupidest fucking thing you’ve ever said.” Said Ryan, his mouth still slightly hung ajar.

  “What you on about?” Tom came back with. He pointed at the TV. “Look I’ll be Hertha Berlin, that ok?”

  Ryan looked at me but it was no use, I was hunched over still, doubled over with laughter and smoke poisoning.

  “Fine, yeah, whatever.”

  They both set about picking their starting eleven, which proved troublesome again for Tom as he attempted to pick 2 goalkeepers in his attack. Ryan pointed him in the right direction and I somehow managed to compose myself enough to actually watch the screen as they kicked off. After a few minutes, and the images of Tom seeing a real-life scorpion for the first time and freaking out had left my head, I began to remember my objective for the evening. I swallowed deeply, knowing once I’d said these words, the train would’ve left the station and there would be no way of me stopping it.

  “So, I kind of need to tell you both something.” I started. “It’s big news.”

  “You’re gay?” came the reply from Ryan.

  “You’ve broke up with Erin?” said Tom.

  “You’ve broke up with Erin because you’re gay?” added Ryan.

  “No.” I said. “I’m not gay, well not unless you count that time we ran out of hot water, and no I’m not breaking up with Erin.”

  “That’s a shame.” Said Ryan glumly.

  “What the fuck, why?”

  “No reason, I just really enjoyed that shared-shower.” He said, with a glint in his eyes.

  Tom laughed at this, which was unfortunate as it distracted him slightly allowing Peter Crouch to rise at the back post and fire a header beyond his goalkeeper (who was actually a right back).

  “Oh, fuck’s sake.” Tom said. “What is it then?” he looked up at me.

  “Ah right.” I remembered. “So, well, what it is.”

  “Get on with it mate.” Said Ryan.

  “Erin’s roommate is moving out.”

  “Oh, that is big news, why didn’t you say earlier?” he mocked.

  “Shut up. That’s not what I’m talking about. So anyway, she’s moving out because her mum’s ill.”

  “Aw no what’s up with her?” Tom sad, sounding genuinely concerned.

  “I dunno, I’ve never even met her.”

  “Well if you do, give her my best.” He added.

  “No, I’ve never met Jasmine never mind her bloody mum.”

  “How have you never met her? You’re there all the time.” Ryan asked.

  “She’ll be in hospital mate, if she’s ill.” Said Tom helpfully.

  “We’re talking about Jasmine!” I said.

  “You just said you weren’t talking about her!” said Ryan, smiling at me.

  “Well I am for this bit, like I said her mum’s ill.”

  “What’s up with-“

  “Don’t!” I shouted, holding my hand up to Tom. “She’s ill, so Jasmine is moving out, and erm, well, I’m moving in.”

  I paused for a second to let it sink in.

  “Moving in where?” said Tom.

  “To Erin’s.” I said.

  “Oh.”

  “Oh.” I replied. I looked at Ryan. “What do you think mate?”

  “Me mate? Brilliant mate yeah brilliant.”

  And the award for least convincing lie goes to Ryan Thorne.

  “I know it’s quick.”

  “No, what’s it been? Two months? No not quick at all. Get married mate, do it all.” He stood up and walked towards the door. “I need a shower.”

  “Look don’t storm off, it’s fine it’s only a six-month tenancy I might be back then, if it doesn’t work out.” I offered, knowing deep down that would not be the case.

  “In six months, I might have moved in with three girls doing your maths.” He stormed through the door and slammed it which caused broken bits of paint to float from the ceiling. I looked up as the white fragments fell around us, like dirty snow.

  “It is a bit quick Jim.” Said Tom.

  I sat down in Ryan’s spot and picked up the controller.

  “I know I know but it feels right honestly. And we’ll have a spare room here and at Erin’s, so we can rehearse dead easy.”